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Forgiving A Cheating Girlfriend

Sorry for the long message! Thanks in advance for reading, I could really use some advice.

I met my girlfriend about a year and a half ago during a summer when we were both completing a program at Penn.

Sparks flew! God's presence was felt! She lived in NYC, I had just returned to the country after 4 years living overseas and was settling on the West Coast.

But, after meeting her, I knew that I had to move East.

She and I spoke everyday.

At first it was really disgusting! She would call me on her way to work.

I would do the same.

Then texts throughout the day, calls later, etc.…

Let's just say that we kept it touch.

But the truth is that I did not know her, and she did not know me.

We were at very different points in life.

I was also at a very emotionally needy period in my life, namely because of the emotional insecurity caused by moving back to the US after living in Africa for 4 years.

We were at different periods in life, lived in different cities and were different as can be, but we did not want to let go of one another.

I did not see anyone while we were apart.

But even if I
had wanted to I couldn't have.

I was so enamored by her that I literally stopped finding other women physically attractive.

It was weird.

She began seeing someone in November and continued to do so in December.

She says that, after spending three weeks with me during the holidays, she was so convinced that she wanted to be with me that she cut things off with the other guy.

They still remained in contact and I know even saw one another, so I don't
know whether or not to truly believe that they had stopped being physically intimate.

She lied to me about the entire affair, even though I had strong suspicions and intuition.

The next few months were hell, as I knew she wasn't being honest but couldn't prove it! Finally, she told me everything in May, after she had just returned from Costa Rica.

She broke the news by telling me that she had let a guy kiss her in Costa Rica.

She later told me that she let the kiss happen so that she could either: have me break up with her, or come clean about everything she had lied to me about.

If I broke up with her, I think she would
rationalize that losing me was not her decision, and she would have to accept it.

Also, she would have never had to tell me about the affair.

The other
option was to tell me everything, seriously risk losing me, but ending the months of being unable to be herself with me because she was hiding a secret.

So,
when she brought it up I took it as an opportunity to reveal my suspicions, and she confirmed everything.

We have seen one another a lot since then.

I now live in NYC.

But I don't know if I can trust her.

Also, I am just having a really hard time accepting that she was physically intimate with someone.

As a man, I feel as if she robbed me of my manhood.

She lied to me, played me.

And I'm having a really hard time justifying the "she lied to me cause she really loved me" line of thinking.

She will not let me go.

I have tried breaking up with her many times because I do not trust her but she will not allow it.

She says that she knows that she wants to be with me and pleads for me to give her another chance.

I can't seem to get perspective on this.

Why would she plead and beg me to stay with her if she is able to be unfaithful.

Or should I trust her.

Posted by Roberto on October 24 2007 at 10:36 PM

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